


Insomnia, Coffee, Morning Classes and You

by mahoumacaron



Series: Borderline!Oikawa AU [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Borderline Oikawa, Borderline Personality Disorder, Character Study, M/M, empathy deficient Oikawa, empathy deficient character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-30
Updated: 2015-10-30
Packaged: 2018-04-28 21:17:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,191
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5106062
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mahoumacaron/pseuds/mahoumacaron
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Oikawa hated it when people thought he was a good person for doing nice things. </p><p>Iwaizumi would argue that he was doing nice things, which nice people do, and he shouldn’t get mad at someone for not just assuming that Oikawa did it because he was an empathy-deficient ass that would rather watch the world burn than play nice. Because that’s definitely not the vibe that Oikawa radiated. Oikawa whined harder. Iwaizumi sighed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Insomnia, Coffee, Morning Classes and You

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! (^w^)/) soo, part one of this collection of drabbles just got over 400 hits, so here's... this! Tbh I kinda just went ham during a lecture I didn't wanna pay attention to. Hope you enjoy it! (/)^w^)/)

                Oikawa had been an insomniac since he was a kid. Iwaizumi recalled nights where Oikawa would spam him with texts ranging from memes to emojis, to nightmares to something going on in the news. Iwaizumi didn’t quite _appreciate_ being woken up in the middle of the night but he was able to reason through his frustration (perhaps due to his over-empathetic nature) by figuring that if Oikawa was gonna suffer through another sleepless night, he shouldn’t have to do it alone. Oikawa would always try to keep the emotional turmoil grounds of their friendship even, or as even as he could, considering. He would treat Iwaizumi to breakfast if he had kept him awake for an unusually long amount of time, or a coffee if it wasn’t too troublesome.

                Regardless of whether or not Oikawa understood why he had to he always made sure to keep the playing field even.

                Which is why he and Iwaizumi were now at a coffee shop half a block off campus before their mutual biology class. Iwaizumi threw his satchel onto the seat next to him. The two of them claimed their favorite table in the back of the shop that was adorned with a small, decorative bowl full of espresso beans. The entire coffee shop was dressed in very easy-going attire, several tables being matched with couches instead of chairs, coloring books lay scattered across the larger tables. Indie hits played on the overhead speaker as the baristas jostled each other jokingly and playfully. To Oikawa, this was his favorite place to be. He got to people watch (one of his favorite activities) and sip delicious drinks, snack on yummy snacks. It was a heavenly place for him.

                Part of why Iwaizumi was so inclined to the little shop himself. Because Oikawa found it so endearing. Or perhaps, more so intriguing. With Oikawa’s little… difference, from the rest of the people around them, he was always studying. Always hypothesizing and theorizing what reactions people would have to what stimuli.

                See, Oikawa was loud. He was loud, and outgoing, and he did it _knowingly._ Commonly, introverts thought that they were the only ones watching, the only ones studying. Oikawa found pride in himself that not only was he watching, but he was prompting. He would say something specific to see how groups reacted, alter the way he said it to see if there was change. Oikawa loved to manipulate, and he loved to do it in little ways that no one would ever noticed.

                This morning, though, Iwaizumi just wanted his damn coffee.

                After they situated themselves the pair walked up to the counter to place their orders. Oikawa almost always got the same thing; milk tea with boba and milk bread. Iwaizumi was a simple man and went for a straight cup of joe. He always went on how coffee was meant to be consumed in its purest form, without the sugary additives. Oikawa would tell him to shut his elitist mouth, because no matter what, they were all there for the same reason. Caffeine addiction.

                Oikawa paid for the both of them, something that made the barista smile each time, and then left the barista a five dollar bill to pay for the next person’s drink. The barista chuckled and placed it aside. “I should really have a jar up here specifically for your pay-it-forward purposes,” he would joke. Oikawa would just give his empty smile, a flirty laugh, and then pretend that he had something really _really_ important to show Iwaizumi. At their seat. Away from the counter.

                _Oikawa hated it when people thought he was a good person for doing nice things._

                Iwaizumi would argue that he was doing nice things, which nice people do, and he shouldn’t get mad at someone for not just _assuming_ that Oikawa did it because he was an empathy-deficient ass that would rather watch the world burn than play nice. Because that’s definitely not the vibe that Oikawa radiated.

                “Don’t you think I know that, Iwa-chan?” He whined. “That’s the point! No one’s supposed to know, but how dare they not know! They’re all so… so!”

                Iwaizumi sighed. “So what, Oikawa?”

                “So stupid! How can they not teeeeeeeell? I feel like it’s so obvious, Iwa-chan!” Iwaizumi threw his head into his hands. Oikawa was perhaps the only person he knew that would want people to know that he’s not a good person, but refuse to do anything in public that would allude to that. What a brat.

                “Well, if you want people to know that you’re an empathy-deficient jackass that keeps score on how many married men you seduce into adultery or how many professors you can get fired in one semester, maybe you should, I don’t know Shittykawa, just act like that? Instead of the constant fake happy go-lucky, ‘oh look at me, I’m so nice all the time!’ bullshit. I mean, what are people supposed to think, Oikawa?” Iwaizumi huffed at the end of his speech, completely emotionally worn out and it was only nine.

                Oikawa sat quietly in thought for a moment, something that didn’t happen often. When their drinks were called and Oikawa was still thinking Iwaizumi got up to retrieve their treats for the both of them. Iwaizumi would be lying if he said he wasn’t a little worried that Oikawa was thinking about this so deeply again. Usually he only did that if he was having a really bad episode and needed an outlet. Iwaizumi could only hope that Oikawa wouldn’t turn off again.

                Turning off. A term that the two of them had derived together, although Iwaizumi contributed most of the coinage. Usually, even if Oikawa did not feel empathy, he could mimic it. Contort his thoughts and speech patterns into a way that resembled a person capable of empathy. After experiencing a couple episodes where Oikawa absolutely could not do this, Iwaizumi came up with the term turning off. Oikawa had no filter, could not pretend to care about what happened. Thought that emotions were stupid and that people were stupid for feeling them. Iwaizumi remembered one time where one of their mutual buddies was going through a rough break up, a relationship that had gone strong for three years and then suddenly wasn’t anymore. Oikawa hadn’t responded in the best of ways. Told the guy that he was a creep for crying over someone that didn’t want him anymore and to just get over it already. Iwaizumi and Oikawa hadn’t heard from him since, and that was the last time that Oikawa turned off. Iwaizumi could only hope he wasn’t going that direction again.

                Knowing Oikawa, though, he probably was. Iwaizumi groaned. He had too many exams to deal with this shit. Except he would. He always would.

                Iwaizumi placed their snacks on the table, scooted around it, and flopped on the couch, propping his legs up on Oikawa’s lap. Oikawa huffed, like all the air had left his lungs from the thump of muscular legs landing on him. He was still in pensive thought, though, and that scared Iwaizumi more than he was willing to admit.

                Iwaizumi took a sip of his coffee, blinking rapidly as the caffeine hit his system at last. Such a blessed feeling. Oikawa hadn’t even kept him up that late the night before, but it was late enough and Iwaizumi was just happy that Oikawa was logical enough to know how to maintain their friendship’s emotional stability. Because Iwaizumi would never make Oikawa pay him back for his efforts, ever, and even if Oikawa could not logic his way through emotions (which he hasn’t been able to before) Iwaizumi would love him nonetheless. Sometimes he wondered who that scared more; him, or Oikawa?

                It was no secret that Iwaizumi was in love with Oikawa. No big surprise. They had been together since childhood, it was something that was bound to come up. One day in high school, a soft-spoken girl from the class next to theirs asked Iwaizumi to meet her outside of the gym after class. Iwaizumi nodded politely in agreement. Oikawa planned her undeserved demise.

                When class got out, Iwaizumi did as he promised and made his way to the back of the gym. He yawned, rather tired, always tired, and picked up his pace. It wasn’t that this girl wasn’t cute, in fact quite the opposite. She was adorable; her face was tinted red as she slipped a loose piece of hair back behind her ear, her words sounding like garbled nothingness to Iwaizumi’s ears. Maybe he should say yes? Maybe he should give it a go.

                But then, that would be cruel. Because Iwaizumi knew that Oikawa was always going to be number one. Even if he fell in love with a pretty petite girl, Iwaizumi knew that Oikawa would destroy any chance of that succeeding. Not that Iwaizumi minded.

                Iwaizumi never minded.

                After allowing the girl to confess Iwaizumi gently turned her down, a faint blush coating his cheeks, a muscled arm reaching up to scratch at his chin in an embarrassed fidget. Iwaizumi told the girl that she was sweet, and cute, and that was exactly why Iwaizumi had to say no. He didn’t give her any further explanation. For some odd reason saying something along the lines of “my borderline best friend would literally destroy you and any chance of a relationship with me” wasn’t the best way to let a girl of her nature down.

                Oikawa had immediately ambushed Iwaizumi afterwards, asking him all sorts of questions. What kind of girl she was, what her name was, what class she was from—hell, he might have even asked her SSN at one point. Iwaizumi couldn’t remember through the bombardment of questions he received. It caused a weird feeling in his chest. Something that ate away at a piece of him he wished he didn’t have. A small voice in his heart hissed that it was Iwaizumi hoping that Oikawa was jealous. Hoping that Oikawa was jealous for the right reasons. Because Oikawa loved Iwaizumi. Didn’t want to share Iwaizumi with others. Right? Not just that Iwaizumi was a convenience to Oikawa, a tool that still had too much purpose to share with others. Oikawa loved Iwaizumi.

                Right?

                Iwaizumi snapped himself out of his thought as Oikawa seemed to do the same. Several years later, making their way through university, Iwaizumi didn’t have time to worry about such trivial things. Whether or not Oikawa loved Iwaizumi (he didn’t) didn’t matter (but it did) because Iwaizumi would always be there for Oikawa (no matter how much it killed him) and Oikawa would never let Iwaizumi go (he was too useful). Iwaizumi knew this. He consented to this. Fully aware of what he was signing off on. Fully aware that his emotions would never be reciprocated. Fully aware that Oikawa couldn’t feel, but he tried to feel for Iwaizumi, and that was enough. Because even if Oikawa refused to lead onto it, he beat himself up day in and day out for not being able to care about Iwaizumi. “What kind of shitlord can’t even care about the people he cares about?” he remembered Oikawa crying into his shoulder one night, one shot too many in his system.

                Oikawa liked booze. Liked the way it numbed his sense. The way it muddled the lines of empathy and what he did and didn’t feel. Liked the way booze and pills felt together. The numbness doubling.

                Iwaizumi had done a lot of reading, and it was apparently a common trend for people who lacked proper emotional response. Iwaizumi would never go so far as to call it an addiction, but it was definitely one of Oikawa’s more risky behaviors that Iwaizumi monitored more carefully. The emotional manipulation and destruction of others was fine. Ruining people’s lives was fine. But Oikawa had to live. Iwaizumi was selfish, and that was his one request. His one demand. Oikawa was never allowed to cross the line. He could be risky as much as he damn well pleased, but he was never allowed to cross over into life-threatening territory. Iwaizumi would kill him if he ever did. “That doesn’t make any sense!” Oikawa whined when Iwaizumi said that, while Iwaizumi took another drag of his Marlboro light.

                “Nothing makes sense to you, Oikawa.”

                “What, Iwa-chan?” Shit. He had said that out loud. Too much reminiscing, dammit. And they still had a full day of classes ahead of them. Iwaizumi groaned, craving for a cigarette. Maybe he could bum one off of the barista again.

                “Nothing, Shittykawa. Mind your own business.”

                “Mean, Iwa-chan! Mean!” But Oikawa didn’t mean it. Not really. Knew that Iwaizumi had more than enough right to call him names, be rude to him. Because Iwaizumi never meant it.

                Oikawa always meant it. Always meant his cutting threats, his deep insults. Oikawa always picked people apart, flaw by flaw, worst fear by worst fear. It was a joke amongst their friend group that Oikawa could determine your biggest weakness after meeting you just once.

                It wasn’t really a joke.

               

**Author's Note:**

> Woo! Alsooo, I've been wondering on if I should kinda try to turn this concept into more of a multi-chap instead of just character studies/drabbles? I'm not too sure what all else I would include but it would be more dialogue-intensive, more event focused and less pensive-y, reflective-y nonsense (^w^)/) Thanks for readin'!


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